if trans women aren’t welcome, neither am I

Sex Geek

The question of whether or not to include trans women in women’s sexuality-based events is old and tiresome, but it still comes up with some regularity. I recently responded to a discussion on this topic and I realized that it might be useful to post my thoughts here, as I don’t know that I’ve ever done so in full.

I see a few main underlying assumptions come up in these discussions, and I’d like to counter them. Some of these arguments are stated outright, while others seem implicit in the language people tend to use. Most counter-arguments I’ve seen focus on the stated arguments, but I’d like to incorporate the underlying ones too, which makes the discussion a bit broader.

Comments are welcome, as always. That said, I realize that comments on posts like this often veer into the territory of flame-war pretty quickly. As a result I’m going to…

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Amanda Palmer Boob-slaps The Daily Mail

Amanda Palmer performed at the Glastonbury Fair on Friday, June 28th 2013. The Daily Mail coverage of that performance was billed under the headline “Making A Boob of Herself!” In response, the performer threw open her kimono at a July concert and mocked the “accidental nipple” obsessed newspapers and their prurient readers with a lovely fuck-off waltz ballad entitled “Dear Daily Mail”  (lyrics below).

Dear Daily Mail,

It has come to my recent attention,
That my recent appearance at Glastonbury Festival’s
Kindly received a mention,
I was doing a number of things on that stage
Up to and including singing songs – like you do!
But you chose to ignore that and instead you published
A feature review of my boob
Dear Daily Mail,
There’s a thing called a search engine – use it
If you Googled my tits in advance you’d have found
That your photos are hardly exclusive,
In addition you state that my breast had escaped
From my bra like a thief on the run,
How do you know that it wasn’t attempting
To just take in the rare British sun?
Dear Daily Mail,
It’s so sad what you tabloids are doing,
Your focus on debasing womens’ appearances
Devolves our species of humans,
But a rag is a rag, and far be it from me,
To go censoring anyone– oh no,
It appears that my entire body is currently
Trying to escape this kimono!
Dear Daily Mail,
You misogynist pile of twats,
I’m tired of these baby bumps, vag flashes, muffintops,
Where are the news-worthy cocks?
When Iggy, or Jagger, or Bowie, go shirtless
The news barely causes a ripple,
Blah blah blah feminist, blah blah blah gender shit,
Blah blah blah OH MY GOD NIPPLE
Dear Daily Mail,
You will never write about this night,
I know that because I’ve addressed you directly
I’ve made myself no fun to fight,
But thanks to the internet people all over the world
Can enjoy this discourse,
And commune with a roomful of people in London
Who aren’t drinking Kool-Aid like yours
And though there be millions of people who accept
The cultural bar where you have it at,
There are plenty of others who are perfectly willing
To see breasts in their natural habitat
I keenly anticipate your highly literate
Coverage of upcoming tours
Dear Daily Mail,
Up Yours.
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Whoremom: the kickstarter project

I got the following Mother’s day greeting from the inimitable Annie Sprinkle:
For mother’s day I’d like to call attention to this film being made about sex worker mothers who face horrible stigmas in family court. This is a really important issue. Over the years, I’ve met several wonderful mothers who get their kids taken away because they were sex workers. Its one of the reasons I never had the guts to have kids of my own. I was afraid they would be taken from me one day. This is a real problem, and totally unjust. Whores can be wonderful mothers. Often the father’s get custody if the mom is a sex worker. Sometimes women choose sex work in order to help take good care of their kids. Really. Help her make this film if you are able.
The film-to-be is called Whoremom. Documentary-style autobiographical film of the custody battle and personal evolution from sex-trafficked teen to sex activist/educator. The Florida mother now filmmaker returned to prostitution at her husband’s request when he lost his job. Her abusive husband had been arrested repeatedly for domestic violence of her. As her personal income and self-esteem emerged, she made it known to the police and her husband that she intended to divorce him. He retaliated by pretending to “discover” her prostitution, gaining himself status as the victim (with both his estranged family and the Florida courts) though she asserts that he was essentially her pimp, using violence and intimidation to control her physically and financially.

*editorial aside: this is not an uncommon scenario. I have seen this slut-shaming used many times in breakups of sex workers, swingers, kinksters and the polyamorous. While the formal “couple” may be out about their arrangement to friends or in select circles, one partner (in my experience usually the man) stays closeted enough to his church/family/coworkers to either claim complete ignorance or to return to the flock as a lost lamb temporarily dazzled by a Jezebel. The woman who refuses to recant her sexual history often faces extreme censure from the community, family and state agencies.


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Topless Jihad in support of Tunisian activist, Amina Tyler

The following is a reblog of the op-ed piece from The Guardian (UK) written by Johnathon Jones in support of Femen. More specifically in support of an action by Femen to support Amina Tyler, the 19 year old Tunisian woman, who has faced death threats and criminal charges for posting pictures of herself topless with political slogans written across her breasts.


Other articles in response:

A gloriously crude topless ‘jihad’ from a Femen activist

Femen deserve the support the Arab spring got. They’re giving patriarchy – and mealy-mouthed relativists – a kick up the arse

A man kicks a topless Femen activist in Paris

‘Does this picture look to you like a foolish and ignorant attempt to intervene in Islam’s private concerns? Please explain why.’ Photograph: Fred Dufour/AFP/Getty Images

She’s topless. She’s angry. And she is, literally, taking liberties. The activist in this picture took part in a protest in Paris in support of Amina Tyler, a young Tunisian woman who has been targeted by Islamists after she put a bare-breasted picture of herself on her Facebook page in March with the words “Fuck Your Morals” and “My Body Belongs To Me, And Is Not The Source Of Anyone’s Honour” painted across her chest.

Both Tyler and this activist are members of Femen, the radical feminist group that originated in the Ukraine and specialises in topless politics. Hackers attacked Femen’s Tunisian Facebook page replacing pictures with texts from the Qur’an, while a prominent cleric has suggested Tyler might be stoned.

So here is a picture of Femen’s response – it declared 4 April to be International Topless Jihad Day, and protesters duly took their clothes off in Paris.

And you thought this stuff was complicated. Religious traditions, respect for cultural difference, fear of legitimating Islamophobia … You’d think twice about declaring a jihad on Islamic attitudes to women and their bodies, right?

Not Femen. This picture is gloriously crude. At a time of tight-lipped liberal relativism when even the president of the United States is damned careful what he says about Islam, here is a woman bearing her body, quoting Tyler’s anti-religious slogan, wearing a pseudo-jihadist black scarf over her face. Clearly, the protest is provocative – even in Paris, where this man who may be religiously offended, or just offended by women in general, appears to be kicking her.

Already, the New Statesman has weighed in with a critique of Femen’s “jihad”, arguing that it is naive to defend the rights of women in north Africa in this cheerfully secular way. But what is so wrong with stating a clear principle?

Tyler has asserted in her own words, on her own body, that she belongs to herself and is not an object of moral scrutiny or male honour. This is fair enough, no? She is claiming freedoms and rights taken for granted in most democratic countries – but which are frowned on and suppressed and violently denied by religious conservatives. If Christian conservatives ran things here, our society would be hobbled and distorted and modern freedoms denied. Femen has indeed attacked Christianity as well as Islam. But in western Europe the church has very little real power over public morals. Islam does exert such power in north Africa. Tyler objects to this moral control. Is she wrong to do so? Why does this activist for freedom not deserve the same support the Arab spring got? Or is freedom only worth supporting when there is no possible conflict with Islam implied by all the romantic Arabist rhetoric?

Does this picture look to you like a foolish and ignorant attempt to intervene in Islam’s private concerns? Please explain why. Because to me it looks like a blast of honesty in a dishonest age. As the artist Gustav Klimt put it, nakedness is truth.

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Femen: Fighting back against an International War on Women with nudity

The following is less an op-ed than open letter from Femen to the world. It explains who Femen is and what they hope to accomplish and are accomplishing. It was written by    and published in the Guardian. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/10/femen-naked-shock-troops-of-feminism

We are Femen, the naked shock troops of feminism

Femen is at war with a patriarchy that sees women as sex objects. What weapons do we have? Our bare breasts

Activists of the women's rights group Femen chant slogans during a march in Paris where they have opened a headquarters in a move to recruit members in their fight against the discrimination of women.

Femen activists stage a march in Paris where they have opened a headquarters in a move to recruit members in their fight against the discrimination of women. Photograph: Francois Mori/AP

You can hear us shouting “Fuck off, dictator!”, “I’m not your sex toy!”, or “Religion is slavery!” You can see our half-naked bodies facing Berlusconi, Putin or the Pope. You can feel how deep our anger is by looking in our eyes. We are feminism’s shock troops, a spearhead unit of militants, a modern incarnation of the word fearless.

We are Femen. Our nakedness attacks the raw nerve of the historic conflict between women and “the system”. We are nothing less than its most visual and fitting embodiment. Our activists’ bodies represent undisguised hatred for the patriarchal order, and display the new aesthetics of a rejuvenated woman’s revolution.

Russian president Vladimir Putin, left, is accosted by a Femen activist in HanoverRussian president Vladimir Putin, left, is accosted by a Femen activist in Hanover as the German chancellor, Angela Merkel, looks on. Photograph: Sasha Mordovets/Getty ImagesFemen is our attempt at rethinking the history of feminism in its entirety. We believe that if women are left with little more than satisfying sexual desires as a life purpose, then our sexuality must become politicised. We are not denying our potential to be treated as sex objects. On the contrary, we are taking our sexuality into our own hands, turning it against our enemy. We are transforming female sexual subordination into aggression, and thereby starting the real war.

Make no mistake about it: we are at war. This is an ideological war, a war of traditionalism against modernity, oppression against freedom, dictatorship against the right to free expression. We are targeting the three principle manifestations of patriarchy: religion, the sex industry, and dictatorship.

“I didn’t have time to see if they looked good or not, whether they were blondes or not” – such were the words of Putin after our most recent act of diversion, when Femen activists confronted him in Hanover, shouting to his face, “Fuck you, dictator!” Putin was quick to smile, but a Kremlin official was already demanding that Germany punish our activists. Within half an hour, four criminal cases had been opened against the dictator’s assailants.

This is our reality. Femen activists are arrested, beaten up or even kidnapped, as happened to us in Belarus after our protest ridiculing president Alexander Lukashenko in Minsk.

Machismo can be defeated only through feminine rebellion. No authoritarian leader is interested in popular opinion, which would personally hurt him. Femen’s tactics aim to do just that: hurt and humiliate them personally. Tossing shoes at Bush is nothing compared to our attack against Putin. Never before had he found his holy body, under the protection of dozens of professional security guards, so imperilled.

We were amateurs when we demonstrated against Putin in 2011, in Kiev, dozens of kilometres away from our target. But we improved our skills when we besieged the polling station in Moscow in 2012, just 20 minutes after our Putin had left the place. One year later, we faced him and bared our breasts in defiance.

Putin is a homophobe and an oligarch embodying the merger of church and state, putting his personal interests before those of 150 million people in the process. Only recently has he announced that Russia is not a country for gay people, just as our George H W Bush, in his time, said the US was not a country for atheists. Putin is not stopping at that, so we are going to stop him.

How, you ask? Yes, dear readers, with our bare breasts alone! We are responding by knocking down the great oligarch and his security-service clowns, and with them, the image he has been so carefully cultivating.

Femen is a huge experiment. Every day we find new ways to destroy the patriarchy, new words with which to answer our opponents. We are calling for a global sexual revolt against the system. We cannot tell you of our upcoming plans, or what the final result of our struggle will be, but we’re working on them around the clock. The only thing I can say for sure to all those against whom we are fighting is that we are not about to let you enshrine such shit as yourselves in a cult

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PRISON READING MATERIALS DRIVE for Phoenix Goddess Temple defendant

    for Phoenix Goddess Temple defendant, Tracy Elise and other women in Estrella prison.
    I’m organizing a book, magazine and post card drive for Tracy Elise in jail, as she awaits her trial, which is not so “speedy.” She’s been charged with extremely trumped up unfair prostitution related charges. There is a lot of time to pass in challenging surroundings. You and I can make a big difference by sending some reading materials to the prison.
    In Tracy’s jail prisoners are allowed 5 magazines OR 3 books only. The library cart comes just once a month! Tracy is reading a book a day. Prisoners are, however, allowed to check out unlimited religious books from the Chaplain’s library. The books are 100% Christian. Tracy has asked the Chaplain for Pagan, Muslim, Hindu, Goddess, Buddhist or Native American study materials, but the Chaplain doesn’t have any of these faiths represented. Besides being extremely comforting, some of these books could help for Tracy’s trial, and therefore perhaps other defendant’s trials. The other women prisoners would really appreciate these books as well. The jail has some Native Americans and pagan/wiccan women prisoners.
    Titles Tracy has asked me for are The Cosmic Mother, Rianne Eisler books (Chalice and the Blade, Sacred Pleasure), anything Yoga, Starhawk, Tantra (but w/o any pictures of sex), anything Egyptian like Book of the Dead. Unity, interfaith, oneness books. The Koran, Sufi writings by Afiz or Rumi. Shakti Mantras, anything Osho or by yogic masters.
    If you don’t have any used books, or can’t buy them, perhaps you could call the Hindu and Buddhist groups in Phoenix and see if they can donate books. Perhaps someone could pick them up and send them or take them. I have sent the Bhagavad-Gita and a couple others, and want to round up more.
    Tracy would really appreciate a subscription to a newspaper or magazine, anything spiritual, feminist, alternative healing, leading edge thought, liberal politics, etc. All they have is Town and Country (Oy vey!), Vogue and Good Housekeeping. “O” Magazine is like gold there. The ladies are hungry for self-improvement magazines.
    If you can’t send anything, perhaps you can email this note to churches, mosques, covens, friends, and others. Or post this info on social networking sites. I’d love to see Tracy get the manual for teaching Non-violent Communication, if anyone has it. (For one of her personal books.) All of these reading materials will help Tracy, and many other women for years to come.

    WHERE TO SEND BOOKS–Books can be cheap to mail as media mail, or in a flat rate box. If you don’t want to send them directly to a prison with your name, you can get them to me and I will mail them.
    Estrella Jail, Attention: Chaplain Millard., 2939 W. Durango St., Phoenix, AZ 85009.
    Make a notation “friend or family of Tracy Elise.

    SENDING MAGAZINES AND POST CARDS–Magazines can only enter with a subscription. Post cards are so easy and cheap to send, and really brighten the day. They can’t be bigger than 4×6, you must use only blue or black ink and not put lip marks or other decorations on them.Tracy Elise, #P929082, Estrella Jail, Attention: Chaplain Millard., 2939 W. Durango St., Phoenix, AZ 85009.

    Thanks for any actions you take on this request. If you have any questions, please email me at anniesprinkle@me.com. May the good deeds come back to you tenfold. May all charges be dropped soon and freedom ring.

    In solidarity, Annie Sprinkle

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Bathroom Gender Wars: why so pee-shy?

Originally found at http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2010/09/02/guest-post-go-where-sex-gender-and-toilets/


by Guest Blogger Marissa, Sep 2, 2010, at 10:07 am

an average looking washroom sign where the men's and women's  washrooms are indicated with stick figures

Women’s and men’s washrooms: we encounter them nearly every time we venture into public space. To many people the separation of the two, and the signs used to distinguish them, may seem innocuous and necessary. Trans people know that this is not the case, and that public battles have been waged over who is allowed to use which washroom. The segregation of public washrooms is one of the most basic ways that the male-female binary is upheld and reinforced.

As such, washroom signs are very telling of the way societies construct gender. They identify the male as the universal and the female as the variation. They express expectations of gender performance. And they conflate gender with sex.

I present here for your perusal, a typology and analysis of various washroom signs.

[Editor: After the jump because there are dozens of them… which is why Marissa’s post is so awesome…]


The Universal Male

One of the ideas that supports patriarchy is the notion that a man can be representative of all humanity, or “mankind”, while a woman could only be representative of other women. For example, in politics we see “women’s issues” segregated from everybody issues.

Washroom signs illustrate this idea by depicting the male figure simply, and the female as some kind of elaboration on the male figure. This sign expresses in words what many do with images:

two washroom doors adjacent to each other. One reads wo, the other  reads men

The most common type of washroom sign, pictured at the top of this post, is another example. Typically, these signs depict men as people, and women as people in skirts:

the male figure is standard but the female is shaped like two  circles balancing on top of an umbrella


Two rectangular stick figures, one with legs, another with a  triangle where the legs should be

a slightly more stylized version of standard washroom signs

the man is a rectangle with legs, the woman is a rectangle with  legs and a bulge around her hips to indicate a skirt

the male is drawn very simply with perpendicular lines but the  female is more complex with extra lines to indicate her bust and a  skirt

In Iran, men are depicted as people, and women are people in skirts and hijabs:

the male figure is standard but the female figures silhouette  extends over her head to imply a hijab

Occasionally, we see that men are people, and women are people with waists:

the male is indicated by horizontal vertical lines topped with a  circle and the female is a similar design but one of the lines is  hourglass shaped

the male has a simple rectangular silhouette but the female has an  hourglass shape

Which highlights the absurdity of the construction of gendered bodies because, well, men have waists too.

In this sign, we see that men have torsos, and women have floating, disembodied boobs:
the man is indicated with a circle for the head, a rectangle for  body, and two tapered oblongs for legs. The woman has a circle for a  head with a tentacle-like extension representing hair. Under her head  are two circles, attached to nothing. After a gap, her legs appear.

Women also sprout tentacles from their heads

Finally, we have a sign that, while patronizingly insulting, is interesting in that it takes the assumption of the universal male to its logical conclusion. That is, if “men” is interchangeable with “people”, and women aren’t men, then women can’t really be considered people at all, can they?

the man is indicated with the standard stick-figure. The woman is indicated with a flower.

That is, if “men” is interchangeable with “people,” and women aren’t men, then women can’t really be considered people at all. But who wants to be a person when you can be a beautiful, delicate flower instead?

Opposite Sexes

There is another kind of washroom sign that, although based on the men-are-people/women-are-people-in-dresses trope, doesn’t quite fit. These signs depict men and women as triangles.

like the signs above, only the circles are no longer attached to   the triangles

headless triangles

two elongated triangles, one pointing down and one pointing up,  both with circles hovering over them

One is not an elaboration of the other. They are both simply triangles. These signs remain problematic, though, because they construct men and women as fundamentally opposite to one another. It also assumes that the viewer understands that the triangle side signifies either shoulders or a skirt, and that is not a given. Which becomes apparent when you consider this sign:

two obtuse triangles, one with the smallest acute angle pointing  downwards, the other with the smallest acute angle pointing upwards.  Both are topped with circles to indicate heads, and both have a single  line coming out the bottom to indicate legs

Unlike the previous signs, here the downwards pointing triangle identifies the women’s washroom, and the upwards pointing triangle signifies the men’s washroom. I assume that the angles are supposed to represent torpedo boobs and a pitched tent.

Gender, Sex, and Sexuality

In controversies over who is allowed to use which washroom, a recurring theme is the conflation of gender, sex and sexuality, as cis women insist on treating male-bodied women as some kind of threatening sexual predators. This conflation is illustrated by washroom signs themselves, which sometimes designate washrooms by gender, and sometimes by sex, sometimes accompanied by assumptions about sexuality.

Gender Performance

Many washroom signs do not depict the male as a universal stick figure. Instead, the distinction is made by playing up differences between how masculinity and femininity are performed. In doing so, the signs communicate essentializing notions about what makes a man or a woman. Most often, it is style of dress.

This pair of signs is interesting, because it might not immediately be apparent to the modern viewer that the individual pictured on the sign for the men’s washroom is, in fact, male.  It shows that the styles we associate with masculinity are not universal across time and space.

Then we have these signs which universalize gender performance to apply it to the insect world:

Butterflies are naturally feminine because they’re pretty, and beetles are naturally masculine because they’re not pretty.

Even more suggestive of the notion that “clothing makes the man” and woman, are the signs which do not show people at all, but just gendered apparel.

Some signs incorporate gendered posture: the woman is canting, or has her eyes demurely cast downward, while the man has his feet firmly planted on the ground, displaying his physical strength.

These are also suggestive of the behaviour we expect from men and women – women should be coy and submissive; men brash and dominating.


After stick-figures, signs showing different styles of dress for men and women seem to be the most common way to designate men’s and women’s washrooms. However, like transphobic people, some signs focus on what’s under the clothes. A couple of the following photos might be mildly NSFW.

These signs are of several kinds. All are essentializing and erase trans people and people with atypical sex organs.

The first is men-have-penises/women-have-breasts. I believe that these are indicative of the degree to which breasts have been sexualized in our society as, like the sign below, they seem to be oblivious to the fact that women have genitalia, and hence construct breasts as the female equivalent of the penis.

The second group is men-have-penises/women-have-vaginas.

It seems that vaginas are shown attached to women to a far lesser extent than breasts are.

Somewhat related to the last category are the signs that pose the question: do you stand or sit when you pee?

(A note from an anonymous commenter: …the photo of the pointers/setters is from a restaurant in Philadelphia called the White Dog Cafe, where I worked for many years. There are four single bathrooms, all named after types of dogs (punny, I know) – and all explicitly non-gendered. Those bathrooms were designed in part with the West Philadelphia queer community in mind; when I worked there I had many LGBTQ coworkers, including someone who was transitioning, and it was an incredibly supportive environment. Duly noted.)

Other signs use the secondary sex characteristics of animals:

This illustrates the way we assume the universality of the gender binary, when it is not universal. For example, hens have been known to behave like roosters, and then develop male secondary sex characteristics, making the news in Sweden and China.

There was also a rooster in Italy who started to lay eggs after a fox killed all the hens.

This sign is even more essentializing, specifying the chromosome pairs you need to use the washroom:

It also universalizes the gender binary to alien races (whose legs conveniently seem to abstractly represent human sex organs) and robots.

Conflating Sex, Gender, and Sexuality

Signs can vary between designating washrooms by sex and by gender because most people assume that they are the same thing.

Her thought bubble: “shopping”; His thought bubble: “football”

This sign covers all the bases. Male as universal/female as variation: He’s a simple egg-shape, she’s wearing a dress and lipstick. Biological sex: He has a minimalist penis, she has minimalist vagina. Gender performance: He’s thinking about football, she’s thinking about shopping. It’s almost funny that the graphic designer felt that so many different elements were necessary. It’s also interesting because it illustrates how total the conflation is and the rigidity of the resulting dichotomy. Women must meet standards of femininity. Men can’t wear lipstick or enjoy shopping. And they certainly can’t have vaginas.

There’s an element of absurdity to it. We don’t segregate washrooms because people have different interests. Nor is it because of people’s wardrobe choices since, obviously, women wear pants. And, as this sign from Utilikilts points out, it’s not unheard of for men to wear skirts.

We segregate washrooms because of sex. Because of  the presumed sexual interest of the opposite sex. That is, because of sexuality.

Specifically, because of male heterosexuality, which is assumed to be predatory. Heck, it’sexpected and accepted as predatory, to the extent that it’s joked about.

This is unfair to a lot of men. And it becomes an excuse for those men who are predatory.

The segregation of washrooms is based on an assumption of heterosexuality, predatory in men and passive and vulnerable in women; the association of sexuality with sex, and the conflation of sex and gender. In other words, it is nonsensical. One thing we don’t segregate washrooms by is sexuality.


Finally, here are some signs that I just found confusing. In Germany, women are represented by fire, and men are represented by water.

Whereas in Brazil, fire represents men. Women are
represented by flowers…

This one is from Sangunburi Crater, on Jeju Island in South Korea. I’m assuming there’s an explanation for why the woman has a scuba mask on her head, and why the man is golem, but I don’t know what it is.

UPDATE: Several people responded with explanations on threads where this post has been linked. Here is one of them: The woman diver is a haenyeo, or pearl diver – there is an independent haenyo subculture that is actually pretty kick-ass and unique to Jejudo. Only the women dive. ... The golem male represents a traditional totem of men wishing the pearl-divers good luck and safety on their journeys.


From an Applebee’s in Sao Paulo. The red sign is for the women’s washroom. Obviously.

Photo Sources:
Toilet Signs
because you value your soul
Dark Roasted Blend 12345
Akshay Gandhi’s Blog
Funny Photo Collection
Ahh.. Chewww!
1 Design Per Day


Marissa has a bachelor’s degree in political science from the University of Toronto, with minors in sociology and history. She is currently finishing law school, and hopes to practice family law. She has been blogging at This Is Hysteria! for two months, where she writes about social justice issues, politics, culture and working in call centres.

Thanks to Lucy for pointing us to her fantastic post.

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